So Time Magazine came out with it’s “All-Time 100 Albums” list, which is a very good name for it. Admittedly, the first thing I thought when seeing that was “It should be called the “Top 100 Albums We Can List That Will Suck Up To Everyone” list. Normally these “of all time” lists are just a weak attempt to give something to everyone.

Well I was wrong. Sort of.

First, I’m very pleased to see that the list does contain a Pavement album. Slanted and Enchanted. If you don’t get the significance of this album, I’m not going to tell you. You get it or you don’t. Way to go Time!

Second, there are two… TWO Elvis records! As if that wasn’t bad enough, one of them is a “Greatest Hits” album that was released in 2002!! What could be less significant than a hits compilation from an overrated lounge singer released 25 years after his death!? To be fair, the other Elvis album, Sunrise, is a collection of truly important recordings released 45 years late.

The rest of the list is pretty mundane. I’m glad to see John Coltrane and Carol King, Parliament/Funkadelic and Eric B. and Rakim. These influential artists rarely make any lists beyond their own genre.

Where it gets interesting is what’s NOT on the list. No KISS?! No Black Flag!? No Steely Dan?! No Van Halen!? No Chemical Brothers?! Who’s making this list!? Like almost everyone, I’m sure they’ve never heard of Pink Martini, but like everyone, they’ve definitely heard them.

First of all, Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. This album was a defining moment for Pink Floyd and really, for music. It formed a perfect transition between the Pink Floyd of the 60’s and early early 70’s and the Pink Floyd of the mid-70s and beyond. They did nothing like it previously and nothing like it since. It’s an absolute masterpiece of an album and a sin to listen to a single track. Dark Side of the Moon MUST be heard from the first soundscape, Speak to Me, that crescendos to a goosebump inducing release that begins the first real track Breathe to the epicly orchestrated finish that is Eclipse in one sitting. Fortunately, no expense was spared during the recording making it a joy to listen to from an audiophile perspective as well. When you add in the fact that it spent 14 continuous years on Billboard’s Top 100 chart, it really makes it a no brainer for Time’s list. An argument could also be made for Pink Floyd’s The Wall… maybe another time.

The next conspicuously absent piece is Guns and Roses Appetite for Destruction. Again, a defining moment for the artist and the art form. At a time when hair bands peaked and then plateaued, GnR hit the scene as sort of another hair band, but these guys were fucking crazy… like criminally insane crazy. The songs on Appetite weren’t about good times and loose women, like every other hair band played out for the last decade, but instead were about mentally ill women and junky life. Guns and Roses were the hair band for the homeless addict. They looked filthy, they sounded filthy and they were filthy! GnR was thankfully the bullet that put glam metal bands out of their misery and they belong on the fucking list!

My final bitch about this list (at least for now) is the fact that in the 2000 section, four of the nine albums listed are greatest hits or anthologies from now dead musicians. Could someone please explain to me how the hell a greatest hits album from someone who’s been dead 30+ years is significant now? I’m sure there are at least 4 very significant albums from this decade that could replace them. Below are a few albums that could very easily replace the 4 shitty anthologies on the 2000s section of the list:

First, Tori Amos‘ Scarlett’s Walk (2002). Anyone who knows me knows that Tori does no wrong in my book. She is a musical mind with absolutely no equal and could easily be in the 90s section as well. Scarlett’s Walk may be one of Tori’s most cohesive albums ever, probably due to the fact that it plays out a story of a cross country journey starring her alter ego, Scarlett. Interestingly, Tori’s piano isn’t as prominently featured as in previous releases, probably because it’s not really her, if you follow me. A masterpiece, but definitely not her first.

Second, Sonic Youth’s Murray Street (2002). Sonic Youth should be on that fucking list in 80’s 90’s AND 2000’s!! Sonic Youth is a band that defies description, which I guess you’d expect from a band that is 100% original. I mean they’ve invented EVERYTHING about their sound, their look, their instruments, their everything. Shit, even their cover songs are like brand new originals! Murray Street was a really refreshing departure from some of their earlier noise. These songs are well crafted and even a little… dare I say… polished(!)… but not too much! God, I can’t believe I said that…

Third, M. Ward’s End of Amnesia (2001). With his highly unique guitar stylings and beautifully written lyrics that he almost mumbles or whispers at times, this album is a beautiful masterpiece in a genre that has yet to have a name, as far as I know. Some might say “Alt Country“, but I don’t think that accurately describes it. It’s dark and smokey and yet pure and simply complex. See what I mean?

Ok, there’s three for now… Gotta get breakfast…