Bones, Tuesdays, 8pm, Fox

I watched 2 episodes of this drivel on the recommendation of a friend and I can honestly say, Bones is one truly shitty show… it’s almost painful to watch. I’ve seen more interesting plots play out in a game of Clue. I am, however, not at all surprised. After all, this IS network Television.

Trite and terribly predictable is how I’d describe the 2 episodes I had the horror of viewing. Bones is a perfect hybrid of CSI and Scooby Doo, complete with plenty of “look what I happened to find… a clue!! A completely decomposed human skull under these few leaves” type shockers and of course the moment of truth where the perp admits everything to the 2 sexy cops who were just testing a hunch.

Oh, and lets not forget the “high tech” computer system that plays a vital role in solving the tough case. Like every imaginary computer, this one comes complete with a lot of little beeping sounds as it instantly renders 3D holograms of everything the super geniuses think up. I was very disappointed when Princess Leia didn’t appear with “help me Obi-Wan Kenobi… you’re my only hope”. Naturally you gotta house such an amazing piece of hardware in a very swank office staffed by supermodels and lovable wonder nerds.

I’ve already spent too much time on this worthless show. My suggestion to you for Tuesday at 8pm, oh dear reader, is to watch a Scrubs re-run or a Seinfeld re-run or The Weather Channel or C-Span for Christ’s sake! Just avoid Bones at all costs unless you’re in a very MST3K kind of mood.